


Homestuck: To The Second Brain Power

by Volcanicsquire



Category: Homestuck, Homestuck 2
Genre: Read Homestuck 2, This is just a copypasta but if Dirk wrote it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-10-28
Updated: 2019-10-28
Packaged: 2021-01-05 20:48:57
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 466
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21214862
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Volcanicsquire/pseuds/Volcanicsquire
Summary: To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understand Homestuck.





	Homestuck: To The Second Brain Power

Y’know, it takes some actual brain power to really appreciate Homestuck2. Optimal IQ levels have gotta be exceeding a certain amount in quantity in order to grasp the hefty breadth of swole brainage this masterpiece has to offer. I’m not even talking about conventional intelligence here. I mean like actual cunning and wit. You need the book smarts and you need the street smarts perfectly balanced, as all things should be. Sure, you can learn a lot from a book. Really get a handle on someone else’s tea, y’know? But I didn’t smear Barthes’ genius à l’eau de la critique littéraire all over the branding of this shit just so that we can listen to some other dude’s take. On the streets, you’re the center of knowledge. It’s you. You’ve survived, thrived, and conquered, and you’ve got the scars to prove it. You’ve got it all. 

Just fuckin’, you have to be an exceptional fucking human being to understand Homestuck2. The humor is extremely subtle, and without a solid grasp of Kemeticism most of the jokes will go over a typical reader’s head. You think Plato would have appreciated Homestuck2? It certainly channels a lot of his genius, but would he _get_ it? Dude was a fuckin’ nerd, alright? He wouldn’t have understood this blend of intellectual discourse and crude, filthy, straight-up human humor. That’s the genius of it. Humans have incredible potential for greatness, but you also spend copious hours chafing your dicks like the primates before you, because that’s what you are. It’s only fitting that I’m here to pick up the pieces. 

You wanna watch a TED Talk for two hours? I know you don’t. You might pretend you do, because you’re insecure and shallow and you want people to think you’re a real smart cookie. An intellectual who has gone far and beyond decoding the subversive prowess of meta literature, linking every body of work that remotely tilts its head nod-ways towards Gnosticism to the ‘Neverending Story’. You show up at cons, your try-hard attitude downright obliterating everyone’s ability to give a shit within a 10-mile radius. Eyes dart around (twelve, preferably) fishing out the latest poor sucker to join the hivemind of cultured misfits. There. The excitement is palatable. Fiddling with twitching hands, hands smearing unsealed grey paint, you pick out your victim and say with the practiced flair of a Jehovah's witness, “Let me tell you about Homestuck,” but let’s raise that fucker to the power of 2. 

That’s fine. Really, it is. You’re human and humans are flawed. You wanna learn, but you also wanna be confronted with the nihilistic absurdity of your aesthetic appreciation, so you read Homestuck2. And there’s the kicker. You fucking figured it out. 

You read Homestuck2 because you’re real.

**Author's Note:**

> And yes, by the way, I do have a Homestuck2 tattoo. And no, you cannot see it. It’s for Obama’s eyes only -- and even then, he only sees it whenever we’re in deep discussion about Homestuck2 and what in the shit-eating fuck it’s even on about, thoroughly reaffirming that he is within 5 IQ points of my very own. Or when we’re grinding down hard after a good “building-the-chassis-of-my-dead-children” workout. Nothin’ personal, kid.


End file.
